I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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