at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize