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im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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