in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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