Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
