So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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