He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
