Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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