Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
