he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
