Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
