I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
