I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
