I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
