Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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