believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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