i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
