The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
