i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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