ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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