Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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