Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
