Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the room spins SO much faster in panama
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
