it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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