Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
