I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
