I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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