Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
