haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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