she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
