just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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