Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
