Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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