Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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