I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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