I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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