It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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