She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
