I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
