I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
