we're chasing vodka with high fives
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
