everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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