I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
