I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
