Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
