so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
