Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
