You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
two words: eviction party
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
