I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
