Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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