At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
