there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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