used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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