Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize