My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
