dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
