The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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