im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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