Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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