i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
