The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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