im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
