what day is it and did you see me today?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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