Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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