If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
