I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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