the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
